December 13, 2007

There are times when I get so bogged down with the details of life and living that I forget some really important things. For example, I tend to forget that the people in my life (friends, family, colleagues, my partner, etc.) are NOT guest stars or support players in the screenplay of my life.... just as I am not a guest star or support player in the screenplay of anyone else's life. This factor is critical, especially when people don't behave according to my script.... when people don't meet my expectations for how they should behave (especially in reference to me). Luckily, I have gotten to the point where I can chuckle at myself for getting upset when people don't meet my expectations and can quickly let go of any anger or resentment. I simply remind myself that for the most part, they are doing the best that they can and that they didn't wake up this morning setting out to upset my emotional apple-cart.

The other thing that is important to remember in reference to your relationships is that everyone enters the relationship with strengths, weaknesses, talents, skills and limitations. And you must honor the entire package.. the things you deem good and the things you deem not so good. It is perfectly unreasonable, for example to make demands of someone when those demands exceed a person's limitations. Yes, you can wish that they were somehow different or that they had a broader capacity to meet your expectations or to meet your needs. But the reality is, that you do yourself and the other person a huge disservice by expecting them to be more than they have the capacity to be at the present time. They are who they are. I know these things seem simple enough to comprehend, but the reality is, we all have a tendency to try and impose our wishes, desires and expectations onto others, especially when our emotional buttons get pushed.

Just for today, spend some time contemplating the expectations you have of other people within your sphere of influence. Weigh out whether or not those expectations are reasonable, especially in reference to the person's ability to help meet your needs. Get in touch with the reason why you entered the relationship. Remember that healthy relationships rarely start with either partner expecting the other person to change to meet their needs. Do your best to release unhealthy or unrealistic expectations that you have related to other people. Embrace them for who they are or release them to their own highest good. Above all, remember that you are worthy of having your needs met... and you are oh-so worthy of love. And so it is.