January 11, 2008

One of the most difficult decisions that anyone can make is to decide to end a relationship. Regardless of whether the relationship is a life partner, a significant-other, a friend or colleague, the decision to terminate the relationship can be laced with fear, anxiety and pain. Unfortunately, many people are so afraid of the pain associated with the demise of a relationship that they decide to stay in it to avoid the pain. In many cases, the fear of abandonment (even if you are the one initiating the break-up) is so great that it is deemed better to endure what currently is, rather than to move on. The sad truth is that if you are in a situation that is robbing you of who you are.... if, within this relationship, you cannot be the full expression of who you are meant to be... if you are involved with a "toxic" person... you are already in pain. And staying in the relationship, in most cases will continue to bring pain. T he question then becomes, "Is the pain that I know better than the pain that I anticipate?"

When working with someone to help them make this kind of life decision, I don't force my reality on them. However, having survived the break-up of several meaningful relationships, I can attest that the pain associated with ending a relationship ends at some point. Yes, it hurts badly... so badly that it can make you question whether you can get out of bed and face each day. But that kind of pain eventually dissipates and leaves you with the prospects of a new beginning.... a new way of being... a new you. Conversely, if you stay in a relationship that does not celebrate and support who you are, chances are that you are not feeling fully alive. If you are not given permission to be all that you can be, your life may feel somewhat diminished.

If you are involved in any kind of relationship that is not serving your highest good, it may be time to consider whether or not you should continue it. It is important to remember that we are all here to be the full expression of love and joy and happiness that we can be. And anything that serves to limit or diminish us... anything that robs us of our ability to love ourselves and others, has no business in our lives. Above all, remember that you are a beautiful ray of light and worthy of all of the love in the universe. And so it is.

January 10, 2008

As often as I can, I spend time with my friend Daviea and we create glass mosaic art. She doesn't like when I say this but Daviea is a "real artist." She likes to think that everyone is an artist and everything that is produced is art. No matter what I create, Daviea truly believes that it is beautiful. She is such a talented artist, in part because she is completely open to life and all of the energy around her. Accordingly, she is able to see and experience things on a level that many of us don't or won't. Not only has she taught me a lot about the art of glass mosaic, but she has taught me a lot about the art of remaining open to life and all that it sends my way.

One of the reasons that I enjoy my friendship with Daviea is that no matter what is going on in our lives, we end up laughing long and hard. Its not that we ignore our feelings. On the contrary.. we remain very open to "whatever is." In fact, we talk at great length about what we are experiencing and rather than shutting down, we remain open to the vastness of whatever is there. One of our favorite expressions is, "So this is what it is like to be angry, or in great pain, or scared out of my wits." It seems like the more you try and deny your feelings, the more control they have over you and the more fixated you become. Ironically, when you try and deny a particular feeling or emotion, you end up viewing and experiencing the world through the lens of the emotion you are denying. In other words, stuff your anger and the world becomes a hostile place... stuff your fear a nd the world gets even more scary.... stuff your pain and you see the potential for pain all around you.

Just for today, allow yourself your full range of emotions. Remember that you are entitled to feel everything that you feel. Recognize that what you are experiencing is simply an emotional weather pattern passing through. Realize that you can't pick and choose which emotions you are going to stuff. So by giving yourself permission to experience your pain or anger or fear, you are also giving yourself permission to be open to the joy and happiness and abundance and love that is all around you. By allowing the dark cloud to move through, rather than becoming it, you are able to release it and once again dance in the light. And so it is.

January 9, 2008

When I work with students and coaching clients, I tend to think of them as both being and having unlimited potential. I find it is important to deal with people as if they have no limitations, no tethers, nothing holding them back other than their own beliefs about who they are and what they deserve. The reality is, when we deal with people as if they are more than the current expression of themselves, we give them permission to grow and unfold into a state of magnificence. When we challenge people to think about themselves in terms of being "unlimited," we allow them to expand their consciousness of who they are, thereby prompting their minds to discover ways to become more of who they were meant to be.

Occasionally, we find ourselves desiring to encourage those we care about to take the steps to break free from their limiting past. However, this can be a slippery slope. The reality is, people won't create change unless they are ready to do so and attempting to impose your ideas of how their life "should" work introduces an energy into the mix that could be counter-productive to their growth. Yes, sometimes we can see quite clearly the thought and behavior processes that are keeping them stuck in a holding pattern. But even when we know what steps they could take to dramatically a lter the course of their life, we can't force that change on them. They would only resent us for it and ultimately, it wouldn't help them to learn the lessons they are here to learn. The best thing to do in this kind of situation is to love them through it. Even more importantly, it is critical that rather than focusing on how others should live (no matter how much you love them), to continue to focus on your own path so that you may continue to grow and unfold into all you are meant to be.

Just for today, think about how your thoughts and behaviors might be limiting the people in your life (including you). Think about how you might free yourself and other from any prescribed way of living, loving and being. Remember that we are all unlimited potential and will grow and unfold according to our thoughts, ideas and beliefs and according to our own natural rhythm and tempo. Most importantly, focus on the love that is all around you and that is ready to support you in your becoming. You are beautiful. And so it is.

January 8, 2008

Have you ever pretended that you didn't see someone in order to avoid interacting with that person? It is easy to forget that sometimes people make "guest appearances" in our lives for a specific reason. By the way.... chances are if you have seen them, not only have they seen you too, but they intuit that you are avoiding an interaction. It is better to just politely wave hello and be on your merry way. In some instances, I feel compelled to avoid people who sap me of energy. In other instances however, what I am really avoiding is dealing with unfinished business. Unfinished business might be as simple as having a difficult conversation with someone, or it might be as complex as dealing with the fallout from the demise of a relationship. Regardless of what it is, it is important that we realize that when we don't clean up unfinished business , there is a part of us that is stuck in the past.

In order to grow and unfold in every area of our lives, it is important for us to get free from our past. It is surprising how much energy it takes to haul around the baggage associated with unfinished business. Believe it or not, even if we are not faced with the fallout every day, it is still robbing us of vital energy that we could be using to help create wonderful things in the present. By the way, if you don't deal with your unfinished business, the universe has a way of sending it back your way. In other words, the lessons will reappear until we learn them. Accordingly, it is better to deal with things in the present rather than at some point in the future.

Just for today, think of an area in your life in which you are somewhat stuck in your past. What kind of unfinished business do you need to address? What do you need to do in order to get totally clear of your past? Who have you been avoiding and why? Remember that sometimes you need to clear the dead wood out of the forest so the living trees can become even more alive and grow to reach their potential. It is amazing how once you are clear of your past, you will have a renewed energy and vision and passion that will help you co-create a lift that is sure to exceed your wildest dreams. You are an amazing ray of light... Complete your unfinished business so that you can shine as brightly as you were meant to. And so it is.


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January 7, 2008

I guess it is human nature for us to view the world through the lens of our lived experience. We receive an amazing amount of information every moment of every day, all of which helps us develop thoughts, ideas and beliefs about life. When we open ourselves up to new experiences or the possibility that there may be more to life than we realize, our view of the world expands to accommodate a larger reality than we previously possessed. Conversely, when we shy away from things that are new or different or refuse to acknowledge that "there is more," our lived reality pretty much stays the same.

To make things more interesting, we are each born with a set of gifts, skills and talents that predispose us to having unique life experiences. Accordingly, it stands to reason that your experience of the world may be completely different from mine... but that does not make one any more or less valid than another. It is exactly this kind of logic that makes me question how we can completely dismiss the lived reality of another person, simply because it is not our reality. It is completely narrow-minded to profess that something doesn't exist or is "wrong" simply because I have never felt, seen or experienced it. For example, just because I was raised in the Christian tradition, it does not mean that all other religions are less valid. In fact, the more I explore other ways of believing... Buddhism for example, the more I realize that there are other ways of being that can lead me to a deeper peace...to higher ground... to a sense of connected ness with others and the universe around me. Again, it does not mean that I will abandon Christianity, but by making room for additional thoughts, ideas and beliefs, I open to a new world of possibility.

Just for today, explore how you may be limiting your life experience by closing off to things that are outside of your current reality. Think about how you may have dismissed the reality of others simply because it does not mirror your reality. Realize that our capacity to grow and continue to unfold does not diminish with age.. but rather diminishes based on our willingness to attract people and experience that falls outside of our prescribed notion of the way things are or the way things "should be." Above all, remember that you are a beautiful ray of light who is here to experience all of the love and joy that the universe has to offer... if you stay open to it. It is wonderful.. And so are you. And so it is.

January 4, 2008

When I work with my coaching clients, I spend a good deal of time focusing on the things that influence them in their day-to-day lives. One of the realities of living in a world full of constant stimulation is that unless we remain conscious of it, we can come under the influence of things and people without fully realizing it. I find that one of the most harmful influences that we encounter are "toxic people." Toxic people are always complaining and blaming others for things in their lives. They are highly judgmental and consistently talk about other people in negative terms.

Toxic people seem to attract and perpetuate negativity no matter where they go. Because they are operating from a place of energy deficit, they are attracted to the energy of others. Unfortunately, without realizing it, toxic people rob other people of their energy without giving anything back in return. Toxic people more often than not, bring tension and stress and disorder to your day. They serve to extinguish your hopes and dreams and try and dissuade you from taking the necessary steps to build your perfect life. In short, they try and bring you down to their level rather than allowing you to reach new heights. When interacting with toxic people, you are left feeling zapped and drained of your vital life energy.

Unfortunately, you cannot "fix" a toxic person...no matter how much yoof your to. So in spite ofyour best intentions, you are wasting precious time and energy when you try and change their way of being and raise their standard of living. Accordingly, if you have toxic people in your sphere of influence, steer clear of them! Rather, surround yourself with people who believe in themselves... people who share your vision for creating a most beautiful life... people who will celebrate who you are and who you are becoming.. people who are also on a path of growth and enlightenment. Protect your energy so that you can use it to create your perfect life. Remember that you are worthy of the best this world has to offer. And so it is.

January 3, 2008

My dentist has a sign hanging in his office that reads, "If you ignore your teeth, they will go away." In a way, I look at this sign as a metaphor for the need to take care of and tend to the important things and people in your life. The reality is, anything in which you invest your time and energy will grow and flourish and stay healthy and strong. And anything that goes untended will eventually wither and go away. The more important reality is that our two most precious resources are time and energy. Unfortunately, we have a limited supply of both. Accordingly, it is vital that we take a good look at where we are investing our time and energy to ensure that the things that have the most value to us are not left to wither and eventually go away.

One of the best ways to decide where to invest your time and energy is to take a personal inventory of the things that matter most to you. Some of the things that matter most will be obvious to you but others might not. For example, we don't always pay close attention to our health but it is critical that we not take it for granted lest it take a turn for the worse. Accordingly, if we value our health, we need to invest time and energy in it in order to maintain it. Likewise, we can have important relationships with family and friends that we might take for granted but when we don't invest the time and energy into maintaining them, they too can take a turn for the worse.

Just for today, spend some time getting in touch with where you are investing your time and energy. Make sure you focus on all aspects of your life, including your body, your intellect, your spirit, your emotions, and your critical relationships. Are the objects of your attention the things that matter most to you? Do you need to reconsider how you are spending your limited amount of time and energy to ensure that the things that matter most continue to grow, flourish and prosper? Are you remembering to invest time and energy in yourself as well as in others? The reality is, you are sending messages to yourself and others and to the universe by where you put your energy. Work to ensure that the contributions of time and energy are serving your highest good... for you deserve all of the good the universe has to offer. And so it is.